Update on Baby

"You can see here, the baby doesn't have a distinctive nasal bone, definitely a marker."
 I turned to Jordan, smiling. He was smiling too. That made my heart so happy. The specialist was only confirming through Ultra sound what we had already come to accept and love about Sweet baby. Our baby boy has Down syndrome, and we are the two luckiest people in the world. Then he moved to angels heart, the big moment; What we came for. Babies heart has always beat at a consistent 146 beats. Always. Since I met baby at just 6 weeks old on the big screen.

The specialist paused.
Moved from heart.
Went back to heart.
Moved again.
Went back again.
This went on for about a minute.
I knew from other ultrasounds of baby this wasn't exactly a good sign. Something was different....
In what seemed like an eternity of the specialist checking and rechecking I called Jordan over to me, he was sitting across the room. I knew it was going to be another one of those moments where I needed him as close as possible. I gave his hand the tightest squeeze. Put all that frustration, and worry, and sadness into that one squeeze. He gave me one back. He knew too.
"Okay, here is a significant marker, found extremely common in babies with Down syndrome. Do you see those bottom two holes? Well they should be closed off from
Each other. And you see that cross?"

I tried to take in everything he was saying. But so much was wrong. The brain was getting too much blood; the cord isn't getting enough. The amniotic fluid is too low, he is far too small-weeks behind. The heart....
"Let's take you to the nicu."
We are taken from specialist, to nicu. We are led across the hospital to a large conference room and set down with the sweetest nurse coordinator, and a surgeon for the nicu. This all seems very official and over whelming. 20 chairs, and just the few of us.
"So we have a few options here, We want you to see a new specialist on Wednesday out of town to get a clear decision on where to deliver. She is the best of the best. That is, if baby passes the stress test we will do shortly, and we don't have to take him tonight."

At this point I can't even process. I never ever had considered the option of delivering this early....especially not tonight. All the doctors had told me i might be delivering a week or so late.

I turned on my mom mode. I have never used this mode before. But at this point, it's not about me, and what I'm comfortable with. It's about the angel Jordan and I made with so much love and happiness.
Mom mode had me asking every possible scenario,
life flight?- "possibly, if baby fails the stress test, you will be taken to delivery immediately, and Jordan and the baby will be life flighted to primary hospital."
3 hours away... my heart broke. My baby, and my husband will be hours away from me, while I am a sitting duck, just recovering?
Okay Taylor, remember, mom mode. This isn't about you. What is best for baby?
Without skipping a beat I moved to the next question, and the next. Thirty minutes later, I had all my answers. I had my plan a.....all the way to z.
The doctor asked if we would follow him to labor and delivery.
I asked the doctor if he could give Jordan and I a moment. He smiled and closed the door behind him.
In that big conference room, just Jordan and I-and definitely God; I asked Jordan to give me a blessing. He put his hands on my head, and we both just cried. I know we were both thinking the same thing; how are we going to protect our angel? Feeling helpless.
Then Jordan began to say the sweetest most comforting things, that I will cherish forever.
We opened the door where the doctor and nurse were waiting on the other side, they led us again across to a different part of the hospital, labor and delivery.

We then met new doctors and nurses, and were given the stress test. During so, we called and text our parents, in case tonight was the night. My mom Rushed over, and in true mom fashion brought sweats and a hair tie for me, so prepared! The test began. Little guy was really showing off, and we couldn't have been more proud. He was wiggling, and with that, making his heart rate bounce up and down! That's what they wanted to see. He was being strong for us.
The ob on call for our doctor came in and told us, after a little begging on my end, that we didn't have to deliver tonight. we could wait to see what the specialist out of town has to say come Wednesday.
On the way home I asked Jordan to pull into target. I went to the baby section searching for preme outfits. That's when I broke down. Hyperventilating. In my mind, this one outfit was going to fix everything. But they had ZERO premature baby clothing. What was my little angel going to wear? I channeled all my frustration on this one article of clothing. And all I could think of was my strong angel, so tiny and fragile, having open heart surgery, all the emotions came flooding in. Jordan grabbed me around the waist and led me to the car, while I avoided all eye contact with passing strangers. Jordan looked me straight in the eye, "we got this."



Please remember us tonight in your prayers. He is listening.
We will be delivering by the latest on Monday, both specialist say he is measuring around 33-34 weeks.
We will update when we can as to babies health, where he will be delivered, and what surgeries he will need immediately. We are so thankful for all your love and support. We feel it in every troubling moment.